On October 9th we hit the mark of our second month of waiting. Now I realize in terms of adoption processes, our wait hasn't been that long yet. But every day that passes seems so long to us. Especially since the paperwork part of our process went so quickly! We honestly expected to have a referral by now, but it hasn't happened like we thought. We don't have a timeline of when things will happen. We do know the process has slowed down but referrals are still being made. There are two families in front of us using our same agency that are wanting to adopt a girl around the same age as us. They have to receive their referrals before we will receive ours. They have been waiting over 2 months.
So here's me being vulnerable. I'm having a really hard time waiting. REALLY HARD. I just grapple with the timeline and that fact that this isn't going like I want it to. I just don't understand. I don't get why we moved along so fast just to be at a stand still. Just to wait. I don't get why we were called to adopt when we were only to find ourselves waiting for our referral. I just feel this intense sense of urgency not only to get our daughter home, but to have a referral before the end of the year. And I'm just tired of being patient!
As we were driving to Gatlinburg this past weekend for our annual college retreat, I stared in awe at the magnificent beauty around me. To think that the God of the universe created all of the mountains and the beautiful views I saw, a thought struck me. If our God can create the entire universe with all of its amazing features in just 6 days, why do I have such a hard time BELIEVING that He can move our process as quickly as He desires! He is choosing not to act right now. And while we sit and wait, He wants us to trust Him. Trust that His timing is perfect. Trust that our daughter is not yet ready for us. Trust that He is working in our hearts so that we will be the parents to her that He's called us to be. Trust that He's working all things out for our good. But it's so hard to trust when you cannot see. FAITH. He is growing our faith in Him. Every painful step of the way.
I must remember that God is sovereign, and that I am not. He chooses to do things in ways that don't always make sense. Look at Abraham waiting until he was over 100 years old to have a son! Look at Noah building the ark, waiting for a flood when rain had never even occurred. Look at Joseph, who had to become a slave and who was imprisoned for something he didn't do...only to later be in charge of Egypt! Look at Joshua and the battle of Jericho...marching around the walled city and finally blowing trumpets and shouting, all which destroyed the city. Look at David, who at age 15 was anointed by God to be king over Israel...and yet it wasn't until 22 years later that he actually took the throne promised to him. Time after time in the Bible we see evidence of the Lord at work in strange ways. And let's not forget how He chose to save the world...through a virgin who bore Jesus in a manger who ultimately died a horrific death on a cross when He never sinned and was raised from the dead three days later, giving us a WAY to know Him! Yes, indeed, God's ways don't make sense and are often strange. But that's how God works.
So I have a choice: I can choose to allow worry and fear to grip me and then try to take control and do things my way, or I can choose to trust Him and take Him at His Word even when things don't make sense. It is a daily decision that I must choose to make. And God promises that as I choose to trust Him, He will direct me each step of the way.
Please pray for these specifics:
1. Pray that all of the officials looking over our dossier will feel compelled to move our family forward in the adoption process before the end of the year. Pray that God moves in their hearts and places a sense of urgency especially with placing the child who will become our daughter.
2. Don't stop praying for our daughter. Specifically that the Lord will hasten her arrival home. Pray that as it continues to get colder that she will have enough warm clothing and heat to keep her warm. Pray also that the Lord begins to prepare her for the huge change coming. Pray even that she might see us and hear our voices in her dreams so that when we do meet, she will already know about us.
3. Pray for Caleb. He will also be affected by the huge change coming. Pray that his heart will be tender and that he will love his sister. Pray that the Lord prepares him to become a brother (and whether he is a big or little brother, that the Lord gives him everything he needs for that role).
4. Pray for Austin and me. Pray that the Lord will continue to comfort us and give us peace while we wait. Pray that we will trust Him and His timing. Pray that when the enemy strikes and fear grips us because of all of the unknowns that we will stand strong in the TRUTH and will be able to withstand his attacks. Pray that this adoption process will bring glory to Him.
“Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.” Psalm 27:14
